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Brand New

The following is a post that I'm hoping to make to a local dreading (dreadlocks lol) community - we'll see if I can get through. In the meantime - here's what is on my mind:

Hello All -- I've been lurking here for quite some time, wanting to join the community in actuality instead of merely dreaming, and have decided to see what happens if I braid my hair then let it go, with some backcombing to move things along as I feel like it.

Pics n stuffCollapse )

I know I have a long journey ahead of me, but I'm loving the way the back-combed strands feel, and my loving husband isn't complaining, so all is good.

Tarot Tuesday

I will be at Realms Beyond, on 10th street, off of 200 in Ocala, today from 11am through 6pm. I'll be giving readings with the DruidCraft Tarot, and will be accepting love donations in exchange for a 3, 5, 7, 8 or 9 card reading.

Drop on by to 500 Southwest 10th Street, Ocala, FL 34471-0215, or call (352) 433-2624‎ to make an appointment.

Last week, my first day reading, went very well, and I'm looking forward to what the cards have in store for all of us. :)


Dreaded Activities and Happy Activities

So yesterday was a pain day from hell -- thank you so MUCH dear Abnormal Sensory Processors!!!!

AND I couldn't just medicate myself and get through the day - I had obligations which for some reason I just Dreaded, but in the end having done them turned out to make me feel pretty good.

First I went and found out some information pertinent to the 3 of us and a financial situation, and was glad to hear that there wasn't a timelimit on when we had to be done by, and the balances owed were in line with what we thought, so nice relief there.

Second, I had to send a letter to the US Dept of Education (my ever-present student loans that will never go away - it feels like they charge 100% interest sometimes lol) explaining to them that their threats of garnishing my wages and taking my tax returns were pretty empty since I don't have a job and haven't had one since Feb 2009 (not for a lack of trying to find one, be assured -- the job market totally sucks here, and finding a job that will work with my pain days is a rarity), and that yes I know I have an obligation, but when you are, basically, living on the kindness of family and friends there is nil possibility of paying anyone anything with the almighty non-existent dollar. I also told them that yes, when I do have an income again, whether Disability or inheritance or pennies from heaven, they would get their money back. Eventually. Someday. In the meantime, I ask them what they want me to do. We'll see what the answer is.

Lastly I re-applied for Disability. It took a couple of hours online, but I filled out all of their forms, reviewed my symptoms, how they effect my day-to-day life, my medications, etc., and now we begin the waiting game once again. Isn't it lovely?

This last Sunday the Ocala Area Pagan Forum (OAPF) met at Scott Springs park in Ocala for a picnic, and it was very nice! Had some familiar friends and new friends come, and it was an enjoyable afternoon. We got to get to know each other better, sample each others foods, skip rocks on a small pond, and enjoy the afternoon. We all left as the rainstorms started announcing their arrivals with thunder-rolls and darkening skies. I'm really looking forward to next month's!

In other news, Robert and I stayed up WAY too late this morning (yeah, this morning - 2:30am) playing WoW together. (The servers are going to be down for the next 24 hours - OhNoze!) We don't necessarily actually have our two characters running around together all the time, but we do really enjoy having the computers next to each other and checking out each others' progress on our characters (toons). Robert has an Orc Warrior that he has been playing pretty steadily for the last 4 (!!!!) years, and I've got an Orc Shaman that I am bringing up (she is now 27, just a few experience bars from 28). I have had, maybe, 20 different characters that I have tried over the years -- created, played, got bored with or didn't like, sold all their stuff, deleted them, started new ones. lol The ones that have made it through it all have been my Priest (although he is presently a Forsaken male, he started out as a Bloodelf female, then went to Night Elf Female, then switched over to the present form), and my Hunter (who started out Tauren female, went Tauren male, then went Draenei female, and is now an Orc female). I've had rogues, paladins, druids, warriors, and death knights, but they never held what Robert calls my "butterfly personality" (I flit to this flower, then that flower, then back to this flower, then back to that flower.... ooooo I'm polyangiospermous! lol). I also have a BloodElf Firefrost Mage, and a BloodElf Rogue (but right now he is a banking/auction house toon) So far, though, the Shaman is really speaking to me, and I'm enjoying having her in a Healing role. She can also kick butt in a damage role, but I get more satisfaction out of Healing. And, isn't that what playing games is about - having fun and being satisfied? 8D

Today I'm headed up to Realms Beyond in Ocala around 1pm to give tarot readings for whomever may come in and feel the need for one. For the next two weeks I will be accepting love donations, and will then let you know the pricing from there (once I've established just what in the heck I'm doing! lol). I use the Druidcraft Tarot deck, which follows the Druidic and Wiccan belief systems, and while I'm still using my book to give explanations for the cards (they are very detailed), I've had a pretty decent track record for validity and confirmation when it comes to the cards that come up. I'm nervous about it, but will have Brigite there to give me supportive energy, so how can I not be successful? 8D

Friday, June 25, 2010

I've been debating whether to write notes here, or to just simply make status updates to keep track of what I need to.

I've been debating as to which of the many paths that lay before me is the one that will make me happy. Poetry, music, sewing/ cloth painting, gaming, dance, creative collaboration -- I want all of them in my life. I am discovering, however, that there is only time and energy for one thing at a time. Which ONE do I want? I do know that whichever I pick, I will want another one tomorrow, but without giving up whatever I already have. I have never been able to keep to one thing at a time - I've always been a "multi-tasker" when working and it overflows into my non-"working" activities as well. Why just play an instrument when you can write the music, sing it AND play it? Why simply sew when you can design, pattern, cut, sew and decorate? For some reason that is deeply buried within, I feel I have to be able to do MORE than one thing, in order to be wanted/needed/accepted. (Just thinking out loud here, my friends/phamily) Moving from that place to one where I know that no matter what I do, it is just right and not too little, is an ever evolving action.

I have been debating if happiness is truly an attainable constant, or whether it is a fleeting gift that is meant to carry you through the majority of life's slogging bogways.

Amidst the eternal debate today I have cleaned up the kitchen, watered and sang to the plants, answered e-mails and generally gave my opinion on what my friends are doing on Facebook, picked up/cleaned up the house, took 3 bags of plastic bottles to the recycler, donated a box of clothes, and went to the grocery store (as well as dragging everything from the store into the house). I am now writing this and afterwards will fall out on the back porch and enjoy the pretty green that is there (until I get too hot).

Mainly I am writing down what I do each day so that I won't feel like I do NOTHING and am worth NOTHING (please - no telling me "oh you're alright!" - I don't need that, I'm just expressing a self-thought that occurs to me sometime - it isn't a major thing). I am debating to myself about getting myself out in the communities and doing tarot readings, participating in free things (having absolutely NO money completely changes your perspective on what is entertaining to you), and generally trying to Live while not contributing to the ECPF (Ever Constant Pain Factor) that is within me. When simply going to the grocery store wipes you out for a day, keeping that under control can be a difficult thing.

Writer's Block: Mind blitz

Is there anyone you would permanently erase from your life and memory? If so, who and why?

Even though there have been things that to me have been terrible in my life, I would never wish for the people and what they did to be erased from my memory. Every single thing or person that we touch or that touches us has helped to form and shape who we are today, and I would not want anything changed from the past. It is what it is, and it influences what will be. I learn from the people in my past, and I am a part of them as surely as they are a part of me. The future is yet to be seen, but it cannot exist without the past and the events and characters within it.

One Day at a Time

So this last 9 days has been about recovering from 3 days out in the forest, camping on some phamily land and enjoying the company, music, and sharing food, laughter, and good medicine. However, the yellow flies bit the heck out of me, and I still have itchy bites that are taking their time healing. I've had to actually "pop" a few and get the pus out so the itching stops. I think it is going to be a while before I chance it out in the forest again...... 3 days of fun and more than 3 times as many days to recover (and still counting). Yay Fibromyalgia!!! *sigh*

The first two days home I mostly slept, with attempts to bring my gear in from the car a bit at a time, and then when it was all in, getting it cleaned up and reorganized for next time. I got a little bit done each day, and I am (thankfully) letting go of the inner A-personality that says "clean it all up now! make it beautiful! pick that up, put that over there!" lol Slowly I have been recovering, but I haven't gotten any real energy back yet and I'm not sure that I'm going to. Not taking my vitamins every day doesn't help any, but I have this memory that doesn't hold on to much any more so forgetting to take them is a frequent occurrence. Notes don't help, either.... they get misplaced or moved and that does it for that.

Over the last few days I've managed to get some things done around here... one morning I cleaned up the kitchen, took the plants from there outside for the summer, and put up a bamboo blind to try and cut down some of the sun that is coming in; another morning I was only able to do a couple of loads of laundry and I was wiped; today Chris helped me to put up 3 bamboo blinds outside, and I rearranged and cleaned up the porch area, getting it ready for the 3-shelf planter and the plants that Mom is giving me (she and Dad sold their house and are moving to a much smaller place, and she doesn't want the responsibility of caring for them anymore), as well as going through some more of my camp stuff and re-organizing it (I'm finding out a little more each time I camp what is really needed and what is just extra weight), and that is it for today. I am now officially whooped, although I feel "the day isn't even 1/2 over and already you are wiped?", but that is how I feel every day and it is something I'm getting used to. One of these days I"ll accept that I do the best that I can each day, and if it is "nothing" in comparison to what others do, then well it is alright because to me it was a Great Something, and I'm grateful that I had the energy to do even that.

No new word on my Disability claim (I started it almost 2 months ago, filled out all the paperwork, had my psych evaluation and my physical evaluation) - I know it is a waiting game. I expect to be denied, and then we will appeal. If I am denied again, I'll appeal again, because I cannot work (hell I can't even get through a day at home with no other responsibilities than to care for the home itself) and our household certainly needs the money. I am grateful for a home, transportation for Rob to get to work, and the ability to pay our utility/grocery/gasoline bills/needs, please let me state that first. I am also grateful that I am not more ill than I presently am (things could be a lot worse, I know). I am definitely learning how to live life without money, and frankly, it isn't so bad -- I'm very much aware of what is important and not important in my life (hence the massive purging of STUFF that I've been doing over the last 6 months or so), but I would like to be able to attend some of the events that happen in my life without having to worry "are we going to be able to make the mortage or the car payment if we do this?" I suppose that eventually even that will disappear as either I will no longer have an interest in those things because I know in advance I cannot afford them, or our lives will change in such a manner that the means to be able to attend will make itself available. We'll see.

Enough for today.

Writer's Block: A rose by any other name

Do you like your birth name? If you had the opportunity to change it, would you? What new name would you choose?
Actually, my birthname was Edna Marie King, but I didn't know that until I was in my 20's. When I was adopted, it was changed to Sandra Marie Peterson and I lived as a "Sandy" for many years. When I got in my 20's, I preferred Sandra, so that is what people called me for a long time. A few years ago I received my adoption records from the State of California, and there have been times since then that I have seriously considered changing my name back to my birthname. However, I also, through my whole life, have carried the names that others have given me, and yet I never felt it was truly me, so I have now chosen a name that represents, to me, who I am.

I really wouldn't mind being an Eddie, though.

Housemate Needed

Housemate needed ASAP. $400/month, all inclusive with complete use of the house. Belleview/Summerfield area. Must like animals and musical people. MUST have verifiable references.

I trusted our last housemate, Geniene Hunter (Powell, Duvine, whatever she's using now), and she didn't pay rent for January and was mostly moved out when we caught her leaving. No notice, no talking about it no nothing - she just ran out on us like a thief in the night.

So now I need references that are verifiable. If you know anyone needing a nice home, that has a job, a car, and a willingness to be a part of the household, please let me know.

Have a great Sunday, everyone!

The road I'm travelin' on

The past year has been life changing.

I stopped being a miserable, depressed, stifled desk jockey, went through a huge emotional, mental and physical transformation, and came out back on the path to who I am meant to be.

Music is washing over me like a healing wave, and with it the life I have always wanted. No, it isn't what I dreamt about or what I created in afternoon fantasies - it is better.

I returned from my August/September cross-country journey energized, hopeful for the future and creatively bursting. I got involved in my music once again, playing my guitars and drums and singing my heart out while Rob was at work, the dogs my only critics (and once in a while, backup howlers). Slowly, opportunities to play with others once again began coming up on my path, and before I knew it I was singing and playing with and in front of others again. Songs I've loved, songs I never knew and songs within me have been finding their way through my hands and throat and there are times when I am overwhelmed by the gifts that come to me. I admit to fear, as well, but I must remember that fear is the little death, the mind killer, and that I must face my fear and let it pass over me and when it is gone, know that only I remain (thank you, Frank Herbert). Fear prevents me from blossoming, and if I don't put myself out there then what I'm supposed to do will never get done.

I'm learning so much every day, and I'm finding that as I am gifted so I am able to gift others, and I have to say I am a much happier person today than I was this time last year. No, I'm not working, and that goes way beyond suck, but I have to remember that I have a roof over my head, a vehicle to get me where I need to go, and people in my life who love and care for me and enable me to be the best that I can be, and that is really all that I can ask for.

Under the Covers

So last night I went out to Gracie's on Highway 40 in Ocala. It is a nice little place, and though the complete name of the place cracked me up (Gracie's Cougar Lounge - rrrwawrr!) it had a very nice atmosphere and friendly staff. I got to speak with the owner for just a few minutes before the band got there, and she was very nice, as was the bartender (I never did get his name, but thanks for keeping those pepsi's filled up for me!)

So I had met Chris at the OcalaRocks Musician's BBQ back on December 12, 2009 and he had invited me out to jam with Under the Covers sometime, and I finally made it out last night. I got to meet Bobby Scruggs (their kickass drummer) when he came in to get his kit set up, then Chris Ryals (Lead guitar/vocals) arrived along with Justin Wissinger (pumpin' up the bassline) and I found out they are all a great bunch of guys. You just don't know how jazzed I was that Chris remembered me from the bbq, and he invited me to sit in with them on their acoustic set (the 1st set of the evening). It was a blast playing with this great musicians, and I have to tell you even if no one else did, I had a fantastic time! I also got encouraged to join in on some of their other songs, and even though the djembe wasn't miked I jammed along. I definitely need a job (please please please!) so that I can get the mikes and amps and guitars and drums that I want (please please please!). This needing to rely on others for their equipment sucks, and not in a good way.

So I asked the guys what their plans are for the next couple of weeks and they let me know they are going to be out at Horse & Hound at 8pm for New Year's Eve, then over to Kool Katz at 7pm on January 2nd (2010!). January 9th, 2010 they are over at the Charlie Horse at 7pm, and from there who knows where this great cover band (who also create their own music). Oh wait, I do know that they won't be able to come out and Rock the Middleground on January 16th, 2010 because they have a benefit and a gig to go to that day (bummer for us, good for them!). After that though, who knows?

So I'm hanging at home today, waiting to head over to Gary's for his New Year's Eve party (woohoo!). Guess I'll go and keep pickin' out Pink's "Crystal Ball".

Happy New Year, Everyone!